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| Holy Shit it been such a long time sine I have written a blog thingy. My life is different, there's no medicination I took my self off it, no basketball, no more therapy I stopped it all. I don't know if it was the best idea however I did it anyways. There is no more cutting either. I have a job which is boring but I get paid. I have applied to college and have been accepted to MSU or Michigan State Univ. I have applied to Duke, Texas A&M univ, UC Berkeley, UC santa Barbara, UC Irvine. I am nervous, but at the same time I am glad that when I go off to college I won't be known as this and as that. My relationship with my mother is some what better. We keep our distance especially since I got a job and my license. I also got a puppy aw she so cute she's a malamute. I adore her and she keeps my mind off thing. Well I got to go. BYe | | |
| I haven't written in a while so much has happen. Lets see school started and I got my classes which are ok so far. COLLEGE applications, and SAT are stressing me out. It was really cool to see every one even though I really didn't want to return. First thing I haven't cut in a month I'm getting somewhat better which is good. My mom and I went to san Francisco at first I didn't know if this was a good idea but actually it was a good experience. I love San Francisco I eventually want to live there. I think its really cool that there are so many different types of people. I live in a small city in cali so it was a good change. In san Fran. it's divided in a hippy area, urban area, gay area, and the main city. i love the hippy area I got a sweet tiedied shirt which was expensive but worth it. I didn't have to worry about anything at all it was surreal until I got back home to the real world. Oh yea someone started a rumor about me, it funny cause this person doesn't even fucking live here anymore. I found out about it today when a friend ask me if it was true. Which parts of it were true and other parts not at all. But I said it wasn't true at all, she thought so but just wanted to ask in cause. HAHAHAHA why I didn't think that it would get out but it did but not no one really knows about it. Which is great cause the person that started well didn't exactly like me at all and well I hated her so yea. Theres more but I dont want to write anymore Bye | | |
| So I went to my godmothers for awhile again came home yesterday because I had therapy. I got sleeping pills since I tend not to sleep so well. We didnt talk to much into depth next time it will be about the crap I dont forgive my mom for so that shall be interesting. after that I went shopping bought another pair of converse, jeans, bras, panties, shirt, jacket. I start school on monday pretty much sucks I have only a hundred and sixty pages left on my last book then I have to right journal entries. I'm really worried when school starts that I will go back to how I was since schoool, parents, sports, and myself stress me out to the point of where I have a nervous breakdown again. I havent cut either for three weeks since I have been at my godmother I cut like twice when I was there but nothing to worry about. I really miss it sometimes but now I have running so everytime I have an urge I run. I guess what scares me the most is not knowing what is to expect since its my last year, I'm so happy that it is but terrified because of not knowing whats will happen with my future and state of health. I think I'm getting better but I'm not totally sure if that is the case or its just a lie. | | |
| So pretty much it blew. My mom and I waited about an hour and half at the cemetary so we thought it was over but the service ran late because the minister was 2 hours late. what the hell. Anyways I really didnt know anybody at the funeral since they pretty much were all my cousins that I never ever met. But I got to see my older sister which was cool and her friend. After I went to my grandmother which was a waste of time since all i did was chill on the couch. After I went to see my dad that was a huge waste of time. First I had to go and wake him up which sucked after that he left the room and didnt return for like 10 or 15 mins so I was really pissed off. Then I was about to visite with the kids (sis and Bro) he made them go do their homework. That made me mad since I see them like once a year maybe twice. After that I was so pissed off I told my mom I wanted to leave. That pissed off my dad which was funny since he never comes up to see me or even calls. I'm tired of trying with him, I'm so over that shit. So pretty much I wont see him ever again. Oh yea when i was at my grandmothers this lady came up and said hey to my sis and then my sis said this is my sister (which means me) and the lady looked at me then she was like, "she is the, the mixed one right?" I laughed instead of her saying oh she's the other one she had to bring race into funny. I'm not totally light skin but I am consider a light skin black. I mean half the time people think I'm puerto rican or mexican so whatever. I got a pair of blue converses which are really cute and comfortable. Well that was my day ---bye | | |
| well I just got back. I had a great time, even though I worked a lot there. But it really helped out, found things to clean or build or went outside to exercise. If I had an urge to cut I simply went out to run or shoot some hoops. The place was cool,total isolation from a town or city. Total country!!! So I could do what I wanted which was a nice thing. The only bad part were the fucking flies and cats jeez that blew but whatever. So I found out my aunt may have cancer and I had a little break down when I was there but it wasn't as bad as it had been. I also found out my great grandmother died like at 95 or something not to close to her but I'm going to the funeral since it will be the last time that I'm going to see them. Since i dont want anything to do with them or anything. I fucking hate my dads family especially my fucking father. But anyways that is the reason I came home early. I'm going back maybe thursday or friday have to register for my senior year here so yea. Oh yea I got my nose and eye brow pierced. Surprised it didnt hurt at all I mean my eye was black and blue but it aint no more so I glad especially since I have to go to a funeral tomorrow. Also my mom was surprising nice, when I got home shocking LOL. But maybe that break was something we both needed rather then just me. Anyways when I was at my godmother I meet this annoying boy he's like 13 or something oh fuck I wanted to strangle him. He's like 6'3 and probably 200 pounds. But anyways that kid was so effing lazy his mom did everything for him plus he was a slob. Two thing that I cant stand lazy plus being a slob AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh yea he's obessed with video games I mean I like a game here and there but not every minute or every sec. Oh I forgot my friend came with me for a week I blow up at her she's totally fucking stupid now I know why I dont hangout with her more often. She's one of those friends where u can hangout like every two day or so because after a while there annoying. Well she's that person. But yea what else I learned how to drive stick and I hate it so much I dont want a stick shift at all but it was good I learned in case of emergency. Edit I just found out my fucking stupid ass father or should I say sperm donor more like it. Is selling drugs plus wait this is the great part his house is being watched by the cops. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. this is why I never want to see him ever again always making stupid decisions. My half sister that is 7 and younger half brother 12 has to live with that shit what the hell is he thinking. What if something went bad and someone brought a gun in that house. He's fucking stupid FUCK I can't believe he's doing that. After his wife died he became stupidier then he was already wonde why his son left my half brother and moved with his mom. Damnit that pisses me off more then anything in this world. One cause I don't think drugs are something to mess with plus selling them to people is ridculous what the FUCK. Ok i think I'm done venting | | |
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